Do you share rent with your demons?

- A MISGUIDED MANTRA -

"Sadness is weakness & anger is empowerment." This was my mantra, a defense mechanism that has kept me safe. I never allowed myself to recognize this toxicity because I've made a home with my demons. I signed the lease, moved in, & started splitting rent. Letting go meant giving up a part of my identity, and no matter how positive the outcome, letting go in any capacity is still scary and overwhelming. What kind of person would I be on the other side? Exactly how much character building would I have to do when I sever my ties? 

Dealing with matters so daunting is like an asthma attack waiting to happen, but this is the inescapable fact: This mantra has harmed me in ways that didn't allow me to become vulnerable, subject to abuse & to give abuse. It has given me confidence, yet it wasn't able to humble.

It's taken me a long time to let go of my safety net, that constant fight that becomes so exhausting. I've actually come to realize that it's so much more exhausting living with your demons than the energy put into reconciling the differences. Practicing compassion + allowing vulnerability with yourself makes you realize that all the emotional support you ever needed was already within you. So much of your identity comes from having the conscious willpower to pick your battles. You're fully capable of changing your standard of living, mentally & physically.